Showering Your Bridesmaids With Jewelry
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride? Please God no. Some women love being a bridesmaid. They love fussing over the bride, the planning of parties (I actually love planning, but only when I don’t have a bridezilla breathing down my neck, you know?), and the fluffing of veils. Sadly for my friends, I was not cut from that cloth. But for the ladies that are, it is a grueling job not for the faint of heart. That’s precisely why it is tradition for a bride to give her bridesmaids a gift for their contributions to the bride’s special day.
See, it wasn’t always the norm for bridesmaids to be given gifts. It used to be that the bride’s family used the wedding as a way to extravagantly display their wealth. The more bridesmaids you had, the wealthier people knew you were. Unlike today, when bridesmaids shoulder much of their own financial burden with regard to wedding participation, back then, the bride’s family paid for everything: travel and lodging (if necessary), wedding clothes, etc. And since the concept of engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties hadn’t become popular yet, the financial responsibility was minimal.
But know this: bridesmaids have always had a real job to do during the wedding. Traditionally, they (along with the groomsmen) are the official witnesses to the officiant. These responsibilities, although obviously crucial to the legitimacy of the event, pale in comparison to the responsibilities of brides’ attendants in feudal China. During that time, rival clans would try to limit their enemies’ power by kidnapping brides (thereby stopping the births of future enemy clan members). To counteract this, the bridesmaids DRESSED UP AS THE BRIDE. They were decoys, the poor things. In other cultures, the bridesmaids’ main function is to ward off evil spirits that would seek to harm the bride.
Nowadays, things are different, clearly. But as things have shifted from bridesmaids potentially being kidnapped to bridesmaids just having to put on a stellar bachelorette party, the gift idea has evolved. Since the gifts are meant to be a token of appreciation for how much the bridal party contributes to the festivities, the level of luxury of these gifts shifts proportionally with the amount of work and finances a bridesmaid is putting into the bride’s big day. For example, a bridesmaid who attends a ritzy destination wedding in the Caribbean and throws a lavish bachelorette party will receive a proportionally more luxurious gift than the bridesmaid of a backyard barbeque wedding. According to an estimate based on a 2010 Real Weddings survey of over 20,000, the average cost to be a bridesmaid is a shave under $1,700. That’s a lot of money.
As a bride, there are a ton of ways to help out with this scenario. Since most bridesmaids wear jewelry for the wedding (to the tune of $60 according to a Wedding Channel study), this is where I chose to focus my gifting for my bridesmaids. I went to the jewelry store where my ring was made, and from their sterling silver collection, I selected a necklace for each bridesmaid to wear for the wedding. This was a special moment for me because it allowed to me to relieve some of the financial responsibility as well as choose an item that spoke to me about who each of my bridesmaids are as a person. This can be equally special for the bridesmaid. In fact, one of my bridesmaids, my oldest friend from high school, still wears her necklace regularly, these 9 and a half years later.
If you plan to give jewelry for your bridesmaids gifts, I do have a couple of tips and things to consider.
One of the first things you’ll want to consider is how you want your bridal party to look. Will they be wearing the same dresses? Will they be wearing the same shoes? How will their hair be done? If you have made all these decisions for them, it might be worth considering allowing them to choose their own jewelry for the day. Or, if you’re like me and you like to plan everything, go my route and choose their jewelry. But, choose pieces for the individual. Giving this one small bit of individuality can help keep your bridal party from looking like a row of cookie cutter dolls.
Jewelry is a beautiful enhancement to any outfit, especially bridal ones. Make sure you take into account your bridal party’s dress(es). I personally don’t care for a strapless dress with a choker necklace; I feel like it leaves too much skin exposed. But a 16” or 18” necklace with a pendant is a beautiful pairing. Likewise, a dress with a v-neck can be echoed with a sautoir (a long necklace with a pendant, usually falling between the chest and belly button). A bonus for a v-neck and sautoir combination is that it will make your bridesmaid’s necks look impossibly long and graceful, which will make pictures that much more lovely.
If your bridesmaids’ dresses are made with a fabric with any sparkle or sheen, or have a lot of embellishment or design detail, consider balancing that with a single statement making piece of jewelry. Instead of loading her down with dangly earrings and a bib necklace, how about a beautiful bracelet or a pair of chandelier earrings (and no necklace). Alternately, you could go with diamond, pearl, or other gemstone stud earrings. And just leave it at that. Simple and elegant is a modern and fresh take on bridal party attire. It all depends on what type of wedding you’re having.
The last tip I will give you is this: don’t forget about the hair. Instead of wearing a necklace, consider having the hair stylists weave it through your bridesmaids’ hair. Or instead of giving them earrings, surprise them with beautiful clips or combs to wear in their hair. Or feathered fascinators with sprays of pearls.
When in doubt, you can always give pearls. They are elegant, classic, and they complement just about any style or bridal party get-up you can think of.
Your bridesmaids are giving a lot when they gleefully agree to be in your wedding. They are supporting you, officially witnessing the event, and helping you plan and execute one of the most important days in your life. For that, they should absolutely be given a token of appreciation. What that looks like may be different for everyone, but if you can help ease their financial obligation while giving them a piece of jewelry they will cherish for years to come, well, that is a win-win. And even I can’t gripe about that.
Blissfully NOT a bridesmaid,
Rebecca
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